Ask a Rebel Fleet Trooper

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
I'm looking for a job and I hear the Post Office is hiring. Do you know what the prerequisites are for those jobs?

- Looking in Loruscant

Dear Looking,
MEDIC!!! MEDIC!!!! Ugghhhhhhh... I've been shot. Sweet jedi, this hurts... Unnngggg... what was I thinking joining up for naval duty? I knew better.... Johnny???... Johnny???... Oh no, Johnny is shot... He's not moving... hH might be dead... Are all my comrades dead?... Urrgggggggggg... Not sure how long I am going to last. MEDIC!!! MEDIC!!!

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
I was hosting a Bar-B-Q the other weekend and I purchased 10 packs of buns and 10 packs of hotdogs. Unfortunately hot dogs come in packages of 8 and hot dog buns come in packages of 10, this caused me to have way too many buns left over from the event. What should I do with all these extra buns? I do not want to throw another Bar-B-Q, and I would hate to throw the buns away.

- Breaded on Endor

Dear Breaded,
Questions? Questions?.... I am shot in the gut!!! ... Urrrgghhhhhh... Where's the medic!?! <Pant> <Pant> <Pant> ... I am getting faint. Blood is everywhere... I dunno how much longer I can last... Huuurrrrhhhhh... Tell my parents I love them... MEDIC! MEDIC!... Sweet jedi, would somebody please get me to the infirmary... Argghhhhhhhhh...

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
I love Cartoons. They are my favorite thing to watch on TV. No sappy documentaries or goofy sitcoms for me, I simply love cartoons! With that in mind, who is your favorite cartoon character?

- Celluloid in Cloud City

Dear Celluloid,
Gaaarrrrrrrrr.... this hurts bad... The pool of blood is getting larger, dunno how I lasted this long... Gahhhh... More stormtroopers coming this way.... Maybe they will help me... UUUrrrggg... no, they are walking by, they are not helping... Oh-my-Leia this hurts... Can't think straight. Gotta hold on, someone has to help me... Urrggghhhh.

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
My Daddy says I'm the best kisser in the county. What do you think?

- Lampooned in Landoville

Dear Lampooned,
Guuuurrrrgggg... blacked out for a minute there. Sweet jedi, what a mess.. Guuuuuggghhhh... I can make it... I can make it!... It's really not that bad... I can do this! Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhh...

Lt. Nosreff Ejnella is a decorated Rebel Fleet Trooper and galactically syndicated advice columnist. His weekly column, Ask A Rebel Fleet Trooper, appears in 250 newsfeeds galaxywide. If you have a question that you would like answered by Lt. Nosreff Ejnella, Email Us and we'll slide him the question. (Special thanks to TheOnion.com for pointing us towards Lt. Nosreff Ejnella column)