Ask a Rebel Fleet Trooper

TB-0801 Snowtrooper Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
I'm looking for a job and I hear the Post Office is hiring. Do you know what the prerequisites are for those jobs?

- Looking in Loruscant

Dear Looking,
MEDIC!!! MEDIC!!!! Ugghhhhhhh... I've been shot. Sweet Jedi, this hurts... Ohhh, man.... blood... blood everywhere. ... Unnngggg... what was I thinking joining up for naval duty? I knew better.... Johnny???... Johnny???... Oh god, Johnny is shot in the head... He's dead... All of my comrades are dead. Urrgggggggggg... Not sure how long I am going to last. MEDIC!!! MEDIC!!!

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
I was hosting a Bar-B-Q the other weekend and I purchased 10 packs of buns and 10 packs of hotdogs. Unfortunately hot dogs come in packages of 8 and hot dog buns come in packages of 10, this caused me to have way too many buns left over from the event. What should I do with all these extra buns? I do not want to throw another Bar-B-Q, and I would hate to throw the buns away.

- Breaded on Endor

Dear Breaded,
Questions? To hell with questions, I am shot in the gut!!! ... Urrrgghhhhhh... Where's the medic!?! <Pant> <Pant> <Pant> ... I am getting faint. Blood is everywhere... I dunno how much longer I can last... Huuurrrrhhhhh... Tell my parents I loved them. I miss them so much!... MEDIC! MEDIC!... God, would somebody please get me to the infirmary... Argghhhhhhhhh..

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
I love Cartoons. They are my favorite thing to watch on TV. No sappy documentaries or goofy sitcoms for me, I simply love cartoons. With that in mind, who is your favorite Power Puff Girl?

- Celluloid in Cloud City

Dear Celluloid,
Gaaarrrrrrrrr .... this hurts bad. The pool of blood is huge now, dunno how I lasted this long... Gahhhh... More stormtroopers coming this way.... Maybe they will help me... It's in the Alderaan Convention Of War that they take care of me.... UUUrrrggg... god, they are not helping... Man this hurts... Can't think straight. Gotta hold on, someone has to help me... Urrggghhhh.

Dear Rebel Fleet Trooper,
My Daddy says I'm the best kisser in the county. What do you think?

- Lampooned in Landoville

Dear Lampooned,
Guuuurrrrgggg... blacked out for a minute there. God what a mess. My guts are all over the wall... Didn't notice that before. Guuuuuggghhhh... I can make it, I can make it! It's really not that bad. I can do this. Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhh... I'm dying here. I don't want to die. Damn empire. Gaaahhhhh... Hurggghhhhhh... I'll see them in hell.

Lt. Nosreff Ejnella is a decorated Rebel Fleet Trooper and galactically syndicated advice columnist. His weekly column, Ask A Rebel Fleet Trooper, appears in 250 newsfeeds galaxywide. If you have a question that you would like answered by Lt. Nosreff Ejnella, Email Us and we'll slide him the question. (Special thanks to for pointing us towards Lt. Nosreff Ejnella column)